Things I Fear: Your Boss Discovering You're Not Actually Working

If you are unemployed, think of it this way: You are asked to clean the dishes at home but your 8 hour gaming session ran a little bit longer than expected. Your parents, girlfriend, or the man who just broke into your house takes one look at the dishes and begins screaming at you.
Not even saying words; a high-pitched shriek that can only be the result of work not being done on time. Now, for those of you who are employed and who are working so diligently while reading a blog, this part is for you.

You have a list of work that needs to be done. But you also have access to the internet. Enter the most challenging decision you will ever encounter: Do you do your job or do you watch a few YouTube videos while chatting on Facebook, follow @SteveHarv on Twitter, while buying stuff from Amazon and setting a new high score in Pong. Or whatever the kids are playing these days. It’s tough! Finding time to get everything done is just so difficult to do. But that’s the least of your concerns. You look over at the water bottle on your desk and see that the water is rippling gently, you can hear the footsteps getting closer, you fumble for the big, red X in the top corner but the sweat on your palm causes your hand to slide and you end up opening the last thing in the world you want to open. Just like that, your boss is upon on you are getting an earful about wasting company time that you left your car lights on.

It’s just the worst experience ever. Fortunately, it is easy avoidable with a little trick I like to call Alt+Tab. That baby has got me out of some pretty close calls. The trick is always having a document on standby. It doesn’t matter if it was from 2 hours ago or 2 weeks ago, just have something open so that when your boss comes by they are satisfied that there is an Excel document open with numbers that look like they could be important. Another great trick is the mute button. Always mute your computer. I can’t tell you how many times those little yellow emoticons have yelled HEEELLLLLOOOOOO at me but I didn’t have the chance to hear it. Lastly, and this is straight out of Seinfeld, always look annoyed. People don’t want to get in your way because they can see you are clearly busy if you look annoyed. Think about it: If you are giggling as you type up a report, your boss is going to have some questions for you. But if you are sitting there, sighing and furrowing your eyebrow, you are on your way to a promotion. Or an anger management retreat. Either way, it’s a good time. And no one likes to fire someone with furrowed brows. That’s a fact.